APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
1. NAME _______________________________
DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ______________
WEIGHT __________
I.Q _______
G.P.A.____________
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________
DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________
4. BOY SCOUT RANK______________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _____________________________________
CITY/STATE ___________
ZIP __________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _____
If No, EXPLAIN ________________________________________
7. Number of years your parents have been married _____
8. Do you own a van? _____ A truck with oversized tires? _____ A waterbed? _____
Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? _____
(If “yes” to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises)
9. In 50 words or less, what does “LATE” mean to you?
10. In 50 words or less, what does “DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER” mean to you?
11. In 50 words or less, what does “ABSTINENCE” mean to you?
12. Church you attend ___________________________
How often do you attend? ________________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister?____________________________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won’t tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is____
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my____
c) A woman’s place is in the____
d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is____
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is____
(NOTE: If your answer begins with “T” or “A”, discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?___________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________
Signature (That means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result.
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back).
Do you still want to date my daughter?
_____ Yes, please accept my application
_____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house…
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
you have got to be kidding me …
she is just going to date behind your back if you put her through that .
you need help!! i feel sorry for your daughter.
Good luck with that…Please dont put that poor girl through that kind of humilation. If I was your daughter I would so embarassed and humiliated. Not a good idea…
OMG. Subtract the whole thing! You can’t keep your daughter cooped up forever. Let her live her life. Set some rules of course, such as curfew, age limits, etc., but dont scare everyone away!
i cant believe you spent all that time typing that up. it could be funny but i dont wanna read all that
is this a joke?
Yes, You should subtract the stick up your ass.
And I bet you right when your daughter gets a boyfriend- shes gonna sleep with him because of you. And when she evetually gets knocked up- I hope you blame yourself too.
That’s a joke right???…
I understand where you are coming from. My father is the same way, but in the kids point of veiw, you need to have more trust and faith in the way that you raised your daughter. Thinking that she is going to do all these “bad things” with a guy is only saying you dont think you raised her properly.
Haha, I dunno what all the other people are complaining about.. personally I would find it rather funny if the parent of any girl I was about to date put me thru that kind of interrogation.
You’re insane if you think that that will keep your daughter from dating…she’s 16, its what she’s SUPPOSED to be doing. Let her live a little, tell her you trust her to make the right choice. Don’t try to be the macho-controlling dad. No girl in her right mind could possibly want that. Plus, being a dad like that, will make her go BEHIND your back to date and see boys. It’s what we do, we don’t like being told what to do.